In the latest Journal of Biblical Manhood and Womanhood Rob Lister has a good article filled with practical suggestions for married couples to use in evaluating their marriage. The whole thing is worth reading for counsel on how and when to do this.
Below are the 15 questions:
- On a scale of 1-10, give your overall assessment of our marriage in the past six months. To be sure, this is a very broad and subjective item, but I have found it helpful to open the conversation with an item of this kind of breadth, because it helps to prime the pump. Obviously, you won’t hit on a ton of specifics with this one—that’s what the rest of the questions are for—but I have been truly amazed at just how much discussion this assessment alone can generate, as various issues come to mind. From there, we’re off and running. Follow-up questions in the event that the conversation fails to gain traction initially: What have been the strengths of the past six months? What would make your assessment higher?
- How has the husband’s leadership been over the past six months? The wife’s support? Follow-up: How can I improve in fulfilling my respective role?
- How is your walk with God, both personally and as a couple?
- Where do you see ungodliness in my life?
- Do I have any unconfessed sin that needs to be shared with my spouse?
- Are we guarding meaningful time together? Prayer? Conversation? Date Night?
- How is our sex life?
- What could I do to make you feel more loved/secure/respected?
- How can I serve you better?
- What are the issues that we need to anticipate in the upcoming six months?
- What’s your greatest personal disappointment and your greatest satisfaction in the last six months?
- How can I best pray for you?
- What are our major upcoming mutual prayer concerns?
- Spend a few moments, in an encouraging fashion, sharing several of the things that each of you loves and appreciates about the other.
- Then close, by spending some concerted time in prayer for those prayer concerns you just shared, as well as thanking God for his faithfulness to you as a couple over the past six months.